YWAM LA: Week 3 Finding My Identity

Since I've come to LA I've really been struggling more than usual with my identity and who I really am. Every place you'll go will have some spiritual tie to it weather it's good or bad. From what I've been feeling, LA has a stronghold of materialism, lust and an obsession with appearance. Those of you that know me, know that I've struggled with depression for many, many years. I was a cutter for about 8 years and for those 8 years contemplated suicide on a weekly basis. I've always desired things or looks that others had and looked at people in magazines and runway shows who were thin and flawless. So all these things I've struggled with I am now living in the land of. I was so obsessed with buying clothes and products that would make me look better, and buying products that would make me "flawless". When I was younger I was fully emerged in self-hate and although I had boys tell me I was pretty growing up and never had a problem getting a boyfriend, I never felt good enough, I was never pretty enough. Even being married now, I still struggle with looking at my self in these negative ways. And it's taken me up to THIS season of my life to finally realize that I've made appearance and beauty my god all this time.
No matter what you fill yourself with to make you happy, relationships, money, clothes, entertainment, cars, drugs, alcohol, music, anything that consumes you that you look to for satisfaction (weather you recognize it or not), will wither away. You can use and consume all that you want; anything and everything that is not eternal will never last and will never fully gratify. Jesus is the only eternal.

While I've been here in California, I've learned a lot about God's character and love. God has shown me and told me in many different ways who I really am and how he sees me. I saw myself as ugly, weak, I hated my body, wished I had more money, felt like I had to earn love, looked for peace of mind in alcohol and drugs, sought approval of others, and I was depressed and felt worthless. But God, has told me I am a fighter, I'm hardworking, loving, patient, beautiful, worthy, that I will be healed from my brokenness, that I am wise and I am a leader, and that the angels in heaven are rejoicing because I am a daughter of the King and I don't have to earn love, but that Jesus loves me even when I don't love Him.

I've seen and heard all these things by just asking,"Lord what is it you think of me?" I challenge you to ask Him these things, He will tell you!

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

"For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." -Matthew 7:8

"Be free from your past and know I am your future."

Be blessed!
Gracie xo
(Photography by Kim Mitiska)

If you would like to help support our mission you can visit YWAM Donation or email Graciebelle@me.com for more information. If you would like to send a check or snail mail please address to

Gracie Penhale
11141 Osborne St.
Lake View Terrace, CA 91342